A few weeks ago I forced myself to go to a party by saying, "You could meet your future husband there!".
Sort of embarrassing but I had to tell someone (or, well, everyone on the internet).
Sometimes you have to talk yourself into doing things you know you should do.
I don’t care if you met your husband at the party - did you have a good time? Because if you had a good time, you’re more likely to attract people you’re going to “for real” like. Of the friendly and amorous varietal. And that’s amazing.
If you and Maddie switched bodies (you became an adorable french bulldog and she became a fashionable twenty-something), but each of you kept your own personality, what would an evening at home be like for Matt? Think that one movie with Jamie Lee Curtis and Lindsay Lohan. So for example, would Maddie watch Gilmore Girls and paint her toenails or read Chaucer and snack on Jarlsberg?
Maddie would sleep and lick things. The floor, the couch, Matt, me, the furniture. And she would still strangely prefer drinking from the “hamster water” in her crate as opposed to the fresh cocktails readily available to her. (She prefers the hamster water to the fresh water in her dish.) She would continue to make it so she is as close as possible to all the available humans, and then immediately pass out.
I would be very concerned about the viewing of realty food and fashion based tv. Working the remote would be a problem. I would continually bark at the remote, the liquor cabinet, and the freezer/fridge. The lack of salty snacks would be a problem.
“Texting is way better. It can fill in all of the tiny spaces in life while you’re waiting for something else to happen and a voice call would be too large for the space. When I get a text alert, it always makes me happy, even before I read the message. When my phone rings, I think, Uh-oh, what fresh hell is this?”—
My brother (basically the only blood relative I have besides my kids) is married to a pain in the ass introverted woman, who has only served to regress him further into his own shell over the past 7 years. This past weekend they came to visit us, and on day 2 he told me that there had been a change in their plans and they would be leaving that afternoon because he had to work. So today I call his work, and of course that lying cockshiner still has the day off. This kind of bullshit has been happening for years now, all the while I've continued to try and draw my brother out to live life, have fun, roll with the punches, and (heaven forbid) experience a real moment like the rest of us do on a daily basis. As much as I want him to be a part of my my family's life, when is enough enough? Reason, persistence, love, and understanding seem to be failing miserably. I've never before wanted to throw my hands up and just say "fuck it" regarding him. Until now that is. Some outside perspective would be much appreciated, even if it's based off the minimal details above.
p.s. - I love you and your Tumblr, so the pressure's on for you to give me the most awesomest advice ever. Or at the very least tell me I'm not being a dick for the way I'm feeling.
You’re not being a dick. This is incredibly frustrating, especially in the moment when you realize that your brother is lying to you, and it’s his wife’s influence.
However. This is nothing to throw away a family member over. It’s frustrating and hurtful and I’m sure you want to scream at him. Or simply walk away.
Take a deep breath. Wait a week or two. Then call him and nonconfrontationally tell him how important he is to you, and to your children, and that it makes you sad when you don’t get to see him, or when he cuts his trips short. Ask for tips on how to make his wife more comfortable around you and your family. And most importantly, remember that you love him and that this is the reason that you’re upset.
While I’m not an advocate for keeping unhealthy and destructive family members in your life just because they’re family, your situation is not like that. This is worth saving. While you might nevi have the relationship you’re imagining, you can still have a fun, friendly, mutually beneficial relationship. It can be really tough finding exactly the place the two of you need for each other now that you’re adults, but I’m sure it’s there. Good luck.
I don't understand why guys like me or find me attractive - instead of relationships I prefer friends-with-benefits situations and I run the instant he starts to get serious. I don't understand why my employers have thought I'm the best thing since sliced bread - don't they understand that I have so much more potential that I'm too lazy to ever live up to?
Because of these things, I will always feel like a nomad as I never settle down in a relationship and as I always search for what's next in my career. And here's the secret: I'm happy about it.
(I just wish I could learn how to take a compliment.)
I think that many women have this problem - finding value in themselves in a world that has completely changed - and is continuing to change - how it treats women.
You are worth someone who loves you for who you are, and is there for you through happy times and sad times. Everyone is. But. You also sound very unsure of your place in the world - in work, in space, and in love. Find your passion and you will feel more grounded. The rest will come after that.
I just saw your April 21st entry about how your office manager will only buy you Office-Mate pens, and I am currently puzzled as to how you have held out at this job for so long.
NEITHER DO I.
Additionally, there was no supply cabinet, so if you wanted office supplies, you had to fill out a form and wait for the mail guy to deliver SOME of what you requested. And no one was allowed more than 3 pens of each color at one time. If additional pens were requested within a timeframe that Myrtle found to be too soon after your last pen request, you would get a frustrating voicemail asking what you did with all the pens she had generously sent you last month.
I took to buying my own pens and post-it notes. It was just less frustrating.
Ok! I think you're great. Oh, and awesome! I love that you love food like I do! I'm curious, how do you stay in shape? You're so skinny!
I’ve neglected answering this question for a long time because food and I have always had a complicated relationship, but I feel that as someone who has had a serious eating disorder, and made it through because of the support I had around me, I have an obligation to talk about it.
I’m skinny, and I’ve always been skinny, but I’m not in great shape. And while I want to be in better shape, I have a problem when I start working out more, I start obsessing about the scale, and then about what I’m eating, and while I have had that aspect under control for 8 years, I can occasionally feel it creeping back, and that scares me. So I tend to stay away from the gym. I’ve recently found this amazing Ashtanga teacher at the Equinox I go to, Amy, and I love how her classes are intense and yet calming. It’s working for me right now, and I love the way that my body is starting not to look like the thirty year old woman I almost am.
With food, I love delicious things with wine and cream and butter, but I watch my portions. And I eat healthily if I know a meal like that is coming up. Also I am shameless about the food porn photography, much to my husband’s chagrin. If someone else at the table has something gorgeous, it’s going on my tumblr. And many of the desserts and appetizers are shared. I believe in a combination of excess and moderation.
Does your dog ever wake up?
I like her in the swim suit!
One if the best things about French Bulldogs is that they sleep ALL THE TIME. The world’s laziest dogs (which is why they are so great for apartments). They also bond to one person very intensely, and Maddie has chosen me as her Special Human, so I can pick her up, swing her around, dress her up in my clothes and pose her, and all she’ll do is lazily open one eye and then go back to sleep.
Actually, the first time I tried to put her in my skinny jeans, she got all excited and wriggled out of them and licked my face for 3 minutes. That was her cardio for yesterday.