about how Pete DeGraaf said that women should prepare for rapes by having the correct insurance, etc. Like people prepare for a flat tire.
WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK.
I’m supposed to be prepared in the event of a random violent crime happening to me? I need to look for this event as if it is inevitable and prepare accordingly?
I can’t even get my mind around that. No. 1000 times no.
This weekend I went to Boston for a whirlwind wedding.
I did not eat:
- A lobster roll
I did eat:
- Little kosher ostrich appetizers (rolled in black pepper, seared, and served on garlic soaked toast points)
- FUCKING POUTINE WITH FRIED EGGS
While I’m sad about the lobster, I’m generally ok with this whole deal.
this weekend. the internet may implode.
I mean, look. I know I’m a white woman living in America in 2011, so I’m not particularly oppressed. It’s not like I’m considered property fit only for domestic labor and baby manufacturing—anymore(it’s been like 50 years already, ladies, take a Midol and quit cryin’!)! I can be anything I want to be, such as a nurse or a middle manager or a sexy policewoman or a real housewife! BUT OH MY GOD, SOMETIMES BEING A WOMAN IS SO INFURIATING I WANT TO EXTRACT MY UTERUS WITH A FORK AND THROW IT OUT THE WINDOW.
You know that look-at-us-we-killed- Osama-in-the-brains situation-room photo? Did you notice that there are only two women in there? Two. And we’re 50 percent of the population. I get that President Hillary would have just gotten her menses all over the Oval Office and changed Martin Luther King Jr. Day to Raw Cookie Dough Makes the Crying Stop Day and slashed funding for men’s reproductive health and made football illegal. And when football is illegal, only the terrorists will play football. Fine. I get it, all-you-people-who-are-totally-not-sexist. You are beacons of equality and tolerance, and I would be honored to serve as your sex- ottoman/chicken-nugget-delivery-system. Feminism is dead. Ding-dong.
HOWEVER. On top of all that, am I really expected to swallow the phrase “These are smart, funny women”? Really? As though that’s a sentence worth writing down, let alone reproducing in poster form. Can you imagine a poster proclaiming “Movies with men in them don’t have to suck!” or a critic writing the phrase “These are smart, funny men!” No. Because that WOULDN’T MAKE ANY SENSE, BECAUSE PEOPLE TAKE MEN SERIOUSLY BY DEFAULT. Hold on—I have to go sharpen my fork.